Monday, 3 February 2014

On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Monday 3rd February

So James Bond is back, and he has a new hat; and seemingly a new face; new Bond even remarks on Sean Connery being ‘the other fellow’ so we can only assume that Bond is in fact a timelord but the regeneration effects were too expensive to film; that or I missed a crucial end scene of the last film .  Moneypenny has a new face too but this isn’t remarked upon, maybe she’s not a time lord and her plastic surgery just went wrong.

We begin with James “saving” a woman walking into the sea, the woman in question didn’t seem to be in any distress or danger until Bond saves her when she finds herself caught in a fight with two rather violent strangers with very little regard for other people’s property. 

Despite new appearances new Bond still enjoys his card counting and is quickly back in the casino; although this time he’s swapped his rather classic attire for a frilly shirt and dickybow. His choice in casual wear is also distinctly worse than it was; though it does seem to allow for slightly more movement when beating up strangers. He also seems to have swapped his rather impressive track record with women for stalking one woman rather restlessly. Tracy; it seems that no matter how many times she tries to have Bond killed he just persists in pursuing her.

In the middle of a tantrum James resigns from the secret service via a post it, a rather unprofessional method if ever there was one; this backfires when MoneyPenny hands in the wrong post it and James gets two weeks holiday and she gets a kiss; so it seems they’re still looking for that HR department.

New Bond, old villain; SPECTRE – again! This time hiding in some snowy Swiss mountains, since warmer climates have previously resulted in failure. To help him get over his failure with Tracy he is sent to a seemingly female only allergy clinic where they seem to help poor, innocent women with life-threateningly difficult issues such as a dislike of chicken and potatoes and a weakness for overly cheesy chatup lines.

It seems that Blofelt, who has strangely ditched his numerical nickname is also a timelord and has recently completed a hypnosis course at his local college for which curing fears of chicken were merely coursework as his real goal, is rather unimaginably world domination. No wonder all the numbered people have abandoned him; they merely had a realistic idea of the company’s growth and potential and they knew that no matter how hard they worked they couldn’t compete with the cat.

If I’m brutally honest I’m glad this is George Lazenby’s only appearance as Bond, although it was interesting to see the character portrayed from a very different angle - I’m sure at one point he was wearing lip gloss and a skirt as well as a frilly cravat whilst going by the name of Hilary! No wonder they got Connery back.

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