Sunday 11th May
Blofeld is back, and so is the cat. Now I have to say that although I welcomed the absence of SPECTRE’s number one but with the recent tedious inevitability of the last few films I’ll admit I did smile when that fluffy little feline came on the screen. The nostalgia is short-lived as Bond makes quick work of escaping from his hijacked helicopter and returns to head office unharmed.
Bond accidently teams up with Melina, a recently orphaned young woman trying to avenge her parents’ death; they start on separate missions to kill the same man. Their friendship is short-lived, mostly because Bond is unimpressed by her little yellow car.
Q’s latest gadget, the identigraph is a very odd version of the software you use to build your own person at the start of the SIMS but this one also gives your character a nice little back story. This send James off to Italy for skiing and to meet Luigi, you have to admire Bond’s resilience given the amount of times he’s almost been killed out on the slopes it never seems to put him off. After abandoning his new over-enthusiastic friend Bibi; Bond is chased around the resort by an Olympic skier with a gun, several people on motorbikes and a man in a funny hat managing to ruin a skiing lesson and several people’s lunch in the process.
Back with Melina in Greece and Bond soon abandons her for a Scouse girl that’s pretending to be a French countess, unfortunately she doesn’t last long and is dead before breakfast. On the flip side it does mean Bond finally gets to meet Columbo only to learn he’s chased down the wrong man; to celebrate their new found friendship the pair go on an adventure to track down the man with the funny hat, Bond finally manages to push him down a cliff in a car which is a very noisy way to die.
After this little adventure he rejoins Melina in an overly cheesy underwater diving scene complete with plinky plonky soundtrack to highlight their reunion. Still determined to track down her parents’ killer they enlist the help of Max the parrot and head off in a submarine which ends which them both being dragged behind a boat and hunted by sharks. Once they’ve escaped it’s the parrot which turns out to have all the answers that leads them to the bad guys who all get killed before Bond destroys the ATAC machine and they all live happily ever after. Moral of the story – if possible always check with the parrot first.
I’ll be honest it’s taken me weeks to watch this and I’ve sat through the first forty minutes about four times. I’ve forced myself through it so as to not ruin this challenge despite nearly stopping it several times. That in itself should highlight my opinion here; least favourite so far, by quite a way though it’s difficult to say why exactly. Lack of original plot? Defiantly! Lack of humour? Yep. Lack of decent characters? The parrot was my favourite. Also I think the opening scenes set decent expectations that just weren’t met by any of it so pretty disappointed by this one!